Category: Family Life and Practice

Preparing For Loss (Repost)

The following blog was first published on my WordPress.com blog five years ago.

The loss of a loved one is never easy. Whether the loss is sudden or expected does not matter. The hurt is just as heavy. The hurt is not solitary either. It ripples. The stone of loss splashes causing the wave of its pain to crash upon the shores of countless others. All around it is noticed. How great is its effect.

Memories flood in from time spent accompanied by those times lost. Those hurt the worst. Recounting all the calls you should have made or the dinners you should have attended. Seems to you now all those excuses are silly and insignificant. Life just gets busy and you forget the importance of taking time for those you love. You try and imagine life without them, that you can somehow be okay, but there they are, still here. That’s all you can see now. How can you imagine them gone? In reality you just can’t. You just can’t.

Let me begin by saying it’s okay to cry. If you’re a big, beastly fellow who would never cry because your beard could not handle the excess moisture caused by the weird substance coming from your eyes, then mourn. You must get it out. Let this take its course. I do not care who you are. You’re going to have to deal with this loss. So deal. Realize and mourn. It’s okay. Let it go. Jesus wept.( John 11:35). He is much stronger than you.

For those in Christ, we have a pillow to lay our heads upon. The sovereign God we serve. Run to Him. Call out and talk to Him. This may be mixed with that emotion of mourning, but go to God. He is in control and nothing takes Him by surprise. I could never understand how one could endure without Him. Be there for others.

Again, you’re not the only one hurt by this. This can be your opportunity to share the hope that is within you, Christ Jesus. Don’t cram it down their throats, but be the example they need at this moment and love them. When you can smile during this pain, others will wonder how. Tell them.

If the loved one who is passing is not a follower of Christ, if possible, share the hope with them as well. The thief on the cross beside Jesus called to Him in his last moments that Christ would remember him when He entered into His Kingdom. Christ told him, “today, you will be with me in Paradise”. (Luke 23:42). Share the Gospel with your loved one.

If your loved one be in Christ, oh think of the joy they will experience as they see their Savior. What a sight that will be! They get to experience the gain of the life to come. That brings me much joy. So it should you too. If possible read to them the scriptures as they prepare to go and you prepare to say goodbye.

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep …. and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14,17b-18. ESV

My prayer is that in some way this will help you during a time of preparation of losing a loved one. If before or after the loss, trust in the Lord through it all. Soli Deo Gloria.

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A Girl’s Little Soul

Tired I lay down at night,
Hoping for darkness to fill my sight.
Upon the pillow I close my eyes,
A little whisper to my surprise;
Awakens me from a stupor still,
My daughter’s eyes with waters fill.
Wanting an answer for her little soul.
"Daddy, when I die where will I go?"
"There, there," I simply say; 
"let's wipe those tears away. 
There is hope for your little soul,
You can know just where you'll go. 
For there is a Father far better than I,
By his love sent his Son to die. 
Upon a cross he bore our sin,
So we can get to God again. 
Just call on him to save you now, 
Come close and I'll show you how. 
For if you believe he rose again,
After dying for your sin,
With your mouth just call his name,
And your stirring heart he will claim. 
From your sin you must flee,
And look towards His work on Calvary. 
In Jesus simply place your faith,
And know one day you'll will see his face. 
He welcomes you this very night."
With this I kiss her head and tuck her tight.
One last whisper in her ear,
"I love you daughter, do not fear.
You can know just where you will go,
To the Savior who loves your little soul."

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The War on Younglings

When Anikin Skywalker finally went full dark-side, his first targets were the up and coming Jedi younglings. The order “66” was in full effect causing mass chaos across the galaxy. He walks into the classroom where the young Padawans were training and is met by one babe Jedi asking, “What are we going to do Master Anakin?” The youngling was met with the famous sound of the awakening lightsaber from the Sith’s now Darth Vader.

We think of this scene with a mouth opened gasp. Anakin was making sure his reign of terror would not have usurpers now or near future. He would vanquish his foes completely and devastate all opposition no matter how young. He destroyed the hope of future Jedi.

I cannot remember exactly which movie this scene was from, perhaps Episode 3, but that doesn’t matter. That’s not the point here. The point is our younglings are under attack but the dark lord of this world has much more sinister plans in mind than the just sudden slaughter Anakin dealt. Satan would have your child inculcated with the lies he is father of, believe them, and go to do likewise. He wants your kids to be as he is; a devil.

Children can understand a lot more than we give them credit. If they can navigate an online world, build online worlds within video games, then they can take some good ole fashioned godly inculcation. It’s not whether but which when it comes to the shaping of the next generation. Will we as parents teach our own children the things of God which are the way things really are in the world, or will we allow the world to brainwash them into a fairytale land where they are the star of their own show pining for all the adoration the world can throw at them? The secular world is having children at an extremely low rate which means that secular world is better at recruiting our children than we are at training them in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). We are simply giving them soldiers we ought to keep in training for the kingdom of God.

I believe we are mandated by God to train our children all the live long day. As we rise up, as we lay down, and as we walk along the way of life (Deut. 6:7). We must be attentive to what they are learning, hearing, reading, watching, and following. We as parents need to be proactive in our teaching and not just simply reactionary. We cannot be appalled at what they are learning in school or from peers when we ourselves are not being the primary voice of instruction to them. This takes work and sacrifice. You do not have to send your child to the secular school down the road. There are other options and it is high time we start considering them. Despite what the world may be telling us concerning our children, we have to be the voice of instruction to them because we are ultimately responsible before God for them. This must be at the forefront of our minds (Deut 6:8-9).

Do not believe the lies of the world. We have the authority to raise our children how God instructs us to raise them. We are mandated by our Creator to train our children in such a way that will disrupt the cultural norms by calling the world to repentance toward God. Allowing our children to be discipled by the world will ultimately mean they will become just like the world because a disciple is not greater than its master (Luke 6:40; Matt. 10:24; Jn. 13:16, 15:20). As I write this, Disney has basically declared a war on the minds of our children by sharing their desire to jam sexually deviant characters and ideologies into their movies. They would have your child be their disciple and not Christ’s. The battle is not just outside the home, its streaming right into our living rooms.

Jesus said to suffer the little children to come to me for such is the kingdom of God (Matt. 19:14). We are to not only allow our children to come to Christ, but encourage it. If we are to disciple the nations and teach them all the Lord has commanded, we must being at home (Matt. 28:18-20). We as parents are responsible to keep, protect, teach, discipline, and disciple our children. Do not let the world take the younglings.

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How to Begin Family Devotions

Bible Recommendation

The Bible we use during our devotions has changed over the years. I once used my ESV Reformation Study Bible by Ligonier Ministries and often times my Cambridge Wide-Margin Bible, but I have found a children’s bible that caters to the imagination of the children while not compromising fidelity to the text of scripture. There are embellishments but not in the sense the story line or key doctrines become distorted or neglected. Banner of Truth supplies this Bible called, The Child’s Story Bible by Catherine Vos. I encourage you to get this Bible if you still have younger children as I do. I encourage this because of the clarity and story. It is a twenty thousand foot level read, but allows the child to see the whole Bible and the message of Jesus Christ. If you cannot get The Child’s Story Bible, any Bible will do.

Overview

Keep the Bible study/devotion time simple. If it is not simple, you will not remain consistent. I have fallen into this trap before by wanting it to be grandiose while forgetting I have little ones who have an attention span of about ten minutes. I now try to keep it to around ten to fifteen minuets depending on the material, but they do extend if the kids are asking questions. Keep the moving parts minimal. We usually do a prayer, Bible reading, short explanation, Bible verse, catechism, song, and lastly ending prayer. That may seem like a lot, but really it is simple and effective.

If you keep it simple, the kids will look forward to it, remind you of it, and be proud to tell you of what you talked about on the last devotion. It is a good cycle of compounding returns. Also, keep in mind the goal is to not have a goal exactly. You should rather have a consistent simple outline like that above that will be a mainstay in your family’s rhythm of life. The action should be as familiar as brushing teeth or having lunch each day. Of course the goal is to see your kids come to Christ and follow him in discipleship, but this system will ensure they remain acquainted with the things of God while trusting God will take care of the afore mentioned goals.

Devotional Breakdown

We begin our devotions with a simple prayer of asking God to help us understand what we are about to learn. This orients the beginning of the devotion godward. We need the help of the Holy Spirit to illuminate the scriptures to us. We also pray for forgiveness and end the prayer in thankfulness in order to encourage our children to include these in their daily action of prayer. So the big three to begin is to ask for help, forgiveness, and to be thankful to God for all he has done.

Next, we move to Bible reading. I usually take a chapter from The Children’s Story Bible and preface it with what we learned from the last time. Currently we are going through the book cover to cover. We are in chapter nineteen which is divided into two parts. I will read just one part of that chapter and that will be all I read for that time. Each chapter is short and simple. I have had my oldest son read the chapters when we used the regular Bible. I have yet, to get him to read these chapters. But a good practice would be to allow the kids to be involved where they can so to take active part in the family devotion time.

After reading the chapter, I will explain briefly what we read. I make this as simple as repeating a few key points noticed while reading. As a side note, I do not prepare for the devotion before hand. I speak extemporaneously each and every time, but I will say this is an overflow from my own Bible reading which I encourage all Christians to engage.

Once we have explained the text in a short two or three main points, I then move to a simple Bible verse memorization. We used John 3:16 many times before. For this very famous verse, I have created a fun song my kids can learn, sing and repeat back. I venture to say my children could find themselves reciting this song when older just as they would have to recite the alphabet song to remember if the letter “O” comes before or after the letter “L”. Its catchy and sticks. I don’t always do songs with the verses, but I try. We will repeat this a couple times, I may ask one kid to recite it to me by themselves and then that portion is finished.

The memory verse is followed by what I would think could be the most daunting for parents. We move to a time of catechism. Catechism is simply a question and answer method of teaching. I now use Spurgeon’s Catechism: Revised and Updated by Roger McReynolds. I will take one question in the book at a time. First I will ask it, see what the kids say, and then answer it with the answer from the book. I will also draw their attention to the Bible verses from which the answer is derived. In this volume from Spurgeon, each question is given its own page which makes for an easy way of going though the book. This section of the devotional time seems to spark the most questions. The time of explaining the Bible reading does some, but this time seems more free for the kids to express their lingering questions. Try to make room for the questions and do not be afraid to tell your kids you do not know the answer to something. You’ll find the catechism will benefit the whole family.

After the question and answer time, we sing a song. We usually sing the Doxology. We have sang other songs, but this one is short and sweet. The kids love it.

Lastly, just as we opened in prayer, we close in prayer. We thank God for his word and message. We ask him to help us apply what we learned and to remind us of it through the day. At this time we also may take prayer requests and pray for specific needs the family are facing together. I often will ask one of the kids to close us in prayer.

Conclusion

That’s it! It is not that hard, and it will give huge spiritual dividends as time goes on. Sure it could be difficult when you have little ones, but just like anything that is worth doing it comes with difficulty. I have a feeling your children will be grateful not only that you took the time to tell them about the things of God, but also that you took the time with them. I have found the most precious of gifts to give your children is time spent with them and this allows you to do just that. It is a wonderful thing to see them grow in the understanding of the Lord. We as parents have an obligation to raise our Children in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). We do this so when they are old they will not depart from the things of God (Proverbs 22:6). Keep the faith and teach them as you wake up, walk along the way, and when you lay down (Deuteronomy 6:7); for in this they will learn the fear of the Lord which is wisdom and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding (Proverbs 9:10).

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Let Me Say it Again: Children Are A Blessing

I wanted to do a quick reaction post to something my wife showed me on an Instagram Reel. The video consisted of a lady giving a plate of food to her toddler who was about three years old. Upon the plate the food was cautiously placed in one of those divider food trays kids need when first beginning to eat while not wanting anything to touch. If you have children, you understand what I am saying. But the particularly troubling thing was where the alphabet shaped food lay in the largest section of the plate. The mother who knew her child could not read, had spelled out on the plate, “You piss me off” as some gleeful music played in the background of the video. She placed the tray right in front of the smiling playful little girl and the video ended there.

I wanted to cry.

Without a doubt there is a toxic parenting culture that simply portrays children as a dread and a burden. I cannot imagine how this baby is treated or spoken to on a daily basis. If the mother is brazen enough to share this type of behavior to the world via a viral social media outlet, I can’t help but wonder how much she shares her vitriol towards her baby to her friends and family concerning her blessing from God. And that is indeed what children are, a blessing from the Lord; a heritage from the Holy One (Psalm 127:3).

I am saddened this kind of attitude is so pervasive in the world we live in today. I have had countless people say offhanded comments to my wife and I about our four blessings. I am proud to say I am developing a robust set of sarcastic comebacks and crack them off with jovial consistency. I am proud of my children and my wife. I am more careful now more than before to make sure I speak favorably about my children around others. I defend them now in more ways than just physically; they need protection emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and so forth.

How we treat and speak of our children says a lot about us as parents. We can honor God by becoming the kind of parents our children will want to honor (Exodus 20:12). SDG!

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Find a Dead Guy to Follow

I know what you’re thinking, “This is pure clickbait.” Hear me out, I beseech thee brethren. Before I dive right into this thought, I feel for the sake of snow and flake I must make disclosures. We follow Christ alone in faith as our hope in life and in death. Obviously. I’m not trying to contradict Paul here friends (1 Cor. 3:4-5). I’m making a very easy practical point. Also, if you don’t find a good dead male to follow, find a good dead female. My point will make more sense in the following passages.

I’ve heard it often from more learned men that they had at one particular point in their lives made a decision that altered their reading habits as well as studies upon points of certain biblical intrest. This decision was to follow a dead theologian, missionary, pastor, or what-have-you who had an impact for the Kingdom of God. Upon first hearing this, I was set aback. I knew the benefit of a living mentor, but a dead one?

Although this was novel to me it certainly was not for many a mature or budding Christian. Many gravitate towards a particular teacher or pastor who has long been dead. These Christians learn much from these saints and realize although the saint be dead, they still speak (Heb. 11:4). These dear ones resolve to read all they can of the the books, articles, sermons, and now even watch the videos in which their favorite theologian produced over their life time. The readers notice the growth of these wise sages and are encouraged by their lives lived well for the sake of the Gospel.

This has set me on a course I hope to complete along my life’s journey. I’ll be open to say I have not yet settled on one who speaks to my soul so deep but I intend to stay on the search. The conference room that is my library is filled with so many who would have me come under their tutelage, but I cannot decide.

Spurgeon blasts from his Metropolitan pulpit and Whitefield from the field. Sproul’s chalk board scratches my curiosity while Ryle delivers the elementary doctrines anew. Lewis bids me through the wardrobe and Edwards to the study. Others reach out from their shelves looking to council. It is all too rich to settle on just one, so for now I will read widely.

What I can say for now is I hope you find your dead man to follow. I am searching still for mine. These things are important. We should not think we have to reinvent the wheel. It is amazing how many questions we have today were answered many years ago by these dear saints. Many a man and woman have walked the narrow road of faith in which we all could benefit from something they knew and now know better. Look to the past for help for it is there you will better set your focus on the future we hope for. SDG!

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Social Discernment

We realize we now live in a time where information is at a bloated state. Anything we wish to know is now at our beck and call. It’s like going to an all you can eat buffet but the idea is you sit still and the owner crams the food down your throat; even what you weren’t looking for is on the menu.

The innerweb is a remarkable thing. People read this blog on the other side of the planet. That is amazing to me. Yet, the internet is so bloated we dared not ask if it be pregnant. So, imagine the surprise when it birthed a whole new virtual life via social media. This little beast of a baby takes up a lot of room, and so much room we tend to nourish this fantasy facade more than we ought while neglecting our own good spiritual food. A cut off your nose despite your face kind of thing.

Social media is a place where we can live out an entire life without really living life at all. Or at least putting our best filtered life in front of the masses while neglecting to live our real lives before our neighbors. Jesus had something to say about that.

In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus is preaching his magnum opus, the Sermon on the Mount. He concludes his listing of what is known as the Beatitudes, which are prefaced by “blessed are” by saying in chapter five verse sixteen, “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (NASB). Letting the light shine is actually living a life before others in the flesh or in person if you will and not as a highlight reel for their news feed.

I say this because Jesus later in the same sermon says not to pray like the Pharisee or the hypocrites who love to stand on the corner for all to see for they already have received their reward (Matt. 6:5). There’s the facade, the front, the veil, the lie! The screen, the filter, and the highlight reel was even in Jesus’ day.

In our new cultural mandates to social distance, we should practice social discernment to distinguish the lives we actually live to that which we wish others would perceive we have on social media. In the same vein, we should also recognize the what the detriment of viewing the lives of others through the screened lens of social media is doing to us. We compare instead of practice contentment. We are more capable of shining our light before others when we focus on feeding it fuel instead of being distracted by the subtle dim flashes scrolling before us. We must live our lives before others as a guide on the path to the Light of Life, Jesus our Savior.

To be fair in the face of not becoming total curmudgeon, social media has its place and advantages. We know what they are of course, but we also tolerate the disadvantages too. Use it sparingly so to sow in it sparingly, but sow bountiful in your actual life so to reap bountiful therein. God bless you as I hope this is helpful to you this day we have been so blessed to have. SDG!

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Pro-Life Where it Counts

Before I get blasted for such a title, allow me to qualify what I mean when I say “pro-life where it counts”. Of course we are in a crisis where instead of women being concerned with being protected with the right to bring life into this world, women are rather concerned with maintaining the right to murder their own children in the womb. An utter tragedy considering the fundamental hardline of naturalistic tendencies are abandoned at the last defense of motherhood.

Romans 1:26 hints at this: “For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural,” (NASB).

The previous verse is the reason, “exchanged the truth of God for a lie” (v25). Or more specifically, an over indulgence into sexual gratification as the most glorious obtainable object and pursuit of life rather than the Glorious God who had created them and gave them life. Sexual freedom mixed with sexual identity creates the poison sipped by culture today. No, guzzled down.

Now back to the qualification. If we are indeed Christians and pro-life, especially for those who are most in need and dependent upon us for life, shouldn’t our conviction lead to action? In other words, shouldn’t we be having more babies? I can hear it now, “well, we just can’t afford that and we are already at our limit.” Or “we simply cannot have children.” I understand the argumentation, especially the later. Yet, if we are truly antagonistic towards Planned Parenthood and all things death, we should be the very ones who are most encompassed in the promulgation of life. That, I argue, starts at home. Where the faith hits the heart or the rubber meets the road is our trust in God for provision of the lives he so blesses us with. It could be with biological children, or adoption. God leads.

In Psalm 127, children are portrayed as a blessing from the Lord. Not only as a manifestation of God’s blessing, but also as a real life testimony of the parent’s life. A living breathing legacy to the next generation. Not to mention the reality of children as caretakers of their elder parents when that time arrives in their near future. I wonder how the theological love of Death will fair with those who have advocated it for babies when it comes a rapping at their door? Who will speak for them at the gates? Silence.

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Because I have Daughters

I set my face to be a man because I have daughters.

My affections are tender, my heart is full because I have daughters.

Make strong my arms and make gentle my hands because I have daughters.

Stern are my words, encouraging is my mouth because I have daughters.

Wisdom I seek and prayers I make because I have daughters.

Dances in the kitchen and books by the lamp because I have daughters.

Laughs in the morning and cuddles at night because I have daughters.

Hugs around my neck and little feet on my toes because I have daughters.

Kisses goodnight and smiles aglow because I have daughters.

 

Having children is a joy to my soul. Of course my son is the prince of the castle and my best little buddy, but there is something particular about my girls. What once was a calloused heart has become more tender than before. Their beautiful deep eyes have that effect no doubt. Yet, I know I have to be stronger than ever for them.

That brings me to the thought I want to share. If we want good daughters that grow to be good women, we need good men. We as fathers or father figures should show our girls what it means to be a woman by being what we are. Men.

I know not all situations are alike. Many men are not even allowed to be a vital part of their child’s life and that is sad. But all things being equal, let’s consider what I mean in these three points (In typical Baptist form ;).

1. Treating your daughters with love and respect: This is obvious, I think. These precious ones are blessings from God (Psalm 127). Treat them as they are to be treated. Girls are precious gifts God has given you to love and nurture with respect until your dying breath. Anything less is letting them down. Not only that, it’s a sin against God. Ultimately these are His girls you know. Don’t ever forget that.

2. Love their mama (or their “mum” for my dudes across the pond): Again, all things equal, be a loving husband to your wife. It is the very best thing you can do for your daughter. Show her what a good man does for his wife, how he provides, how he laughs, how he talks to her. Even how he hugs and kisses her in public. A good man communicates and leads his house well. His love for his wife is obvious and those little girls will not only see it but look for it in their future husband (See Ephesians 5:25-33).

3. Love Jesus: This too is obvious but has to be said. If you are not loving Jesus your your wife and your children will suffer. Show those girls a man who loves Jesus is a man who will love them! That starts at home with their daddy. Family worship, family prayer, signing together, etc. are all essential for not only the spiritual development of your family, but will also pay dividends perpetually for your grands! Be a generational man. Lead your girls and their girls closer to Jesus. Show them with your life. Don’t expect some background music accompanied by a light bulb over your kid’s head to know when the thing will stick. Just love Jesus day in and day out in front of your girls; it will teach them to do the same.

Face it men, we have a huge responsibility when it comes to our girls. Love them with all you have. Steal their hearts; dance, sing, and play. Be their first love in hopes it will lead them to a lasting love grounded firm in the Rock of our Salvation. Be a man because you have daughters.

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